31 Jul 2012


Ever come to a cross road in your life when you seem to be yearning for a time in your past when everything seemed to be just right, a better time then the struggle that is consuming your being at present ?
It's hard to admit to ones self that mistakes have been made, that choices made in the past may have been the wrong ones. That things have been said and done, things you now wish you could take back, or undo in a heart beat ......
Life is a hard journey, and yes mistakes will be made, wrong words will be spoken and many a wrong choice will be made. The trick is, ( or so I've been told ) is to forgive and to learn from mistakes made, to let go, move on and put all of it behind you.

Easy done right ?
No !!

I have found it very hard to forgive the one person who I should trust the most, the one person who I know always tries to do the right thing by her family, to make the best choices possible for them. Someone who yes, has said things in the heat of the moment and later come to regret what was said because in the end they knew that the words chosen were the wrong ones. I need to forgive this person for making wrong choices because I know that there is no going back. That at that moment, the choices were the only option, or at least they seemed to be at the time.
That someone I need to forgive and learn to trust again is myself !
I am my biggest critic
I am hardest on myself
I need to stop dwelling on all that I have done and said in the past, to stop going over in my head all the wrong choices that I have made, choices that I wish I could change, but can't, and am currently blaming myself for....
The choice I made was for my family, and at that time I believed It was the right choice for my children, I as a mother put them first, and I will ALWAYS continue to do so, but as they grow and become their own independent beings, the choice has begun to affect me in ways that I never stopped to think of when the original choice was made.
I need to realise that I am not alone, that everyone, or at least those of us that are willing to admit it, all have something they wish they could change, or take something they have said back, but what is done is done, choices were made and there is no going back.
It's time for me to make another choice, I need to stop going over in my mind what might have been if I had made another choice, taken a different path, I choose to look to the future, to create a better me, an even tighter family unit, someone who my husband and children can look up to and be proud of, a wife, a mother and a person who I can be proud of forever and always.

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