Ok ... I must admit, that for the past day or so, since writing this blog post, I have been wondering whether I should actually hit the publish button on this piece or not. But I have come to the conclusion, that whether or not anyone reads this, I am going to go ahead and publish it anyway. Think of it as me using my blog as a personal therapy session if you will. After all, I did say in my "Hello" post that I would also be writing about the 'down right messy' and I guess for me, this is one of those times.
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Funny how something small, unexpected and even insignificant can happen that snowballs out of control sending an avalanche of unpredicted storms your way. I am fighting through one of these storms right now and its leaving me an uncontrollable mess. Its a very personal battle, so I wont be going into any great detail, I just cant, I'm sorry. I am just hoping, that by writing these feelings down in some form, that it will help me to clear my head, overcome my irrational thoughts and help me to get back on the road I was traveling.
I'm feeling stuck, like I've forgotten to breathe, I'm fighting against the raging current getting pushed under further and further. Stopping the walls from crumbling down around me is an exhausting battle, but I am determined to fight back, I have to !! I need to say goodbye to the tears I have been shedding, take a deep breath and regain my strength, these past few weeks of feeling small and alone is more than I have been able to cope with.
Putting on a brave face has been hard, I have wanted to scream, kick out, crumble in my emotional mess and wallow in my self pity, but NO !! I have always been a pretty strong woman, well as strong as I possibly can manage. I have my moments like everyone, but never have I felt quite like this.
I'm going to find my way back, it will be hard and I'm sure doubts will still cloud my mind at times, but not only do my family need me back to my old self, I need me too. I need me to stand tall, take back control and to live my wonderful life with my wonderful family. I will get through my storm and find the calm waters to which I belong.
I
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I'm so glad that you posted this. I may not know the circumstances which led you here, but I can tell you that I hear you, and that this very morning I too woke up and could have written something quite similar. I'm hoping Spring will shake it out of me. I'll hope the same for you too. X
ReplyDeleteFor someone who claims she has nothing to blog about, you blog dam fine woman. You are AWESOME. This is what it's all about. By reaching out you touch others feeling the same way.
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