Choices

Ever come to a cross road in your life when you seem to be yearning for a time in your past when everything seemed to be just right, a better time then the struggle that is consuming your being at present ?
It's hard to admit to ones self that mistakes have been made, that choices made in the past may have been the wrong ones. That things have been said and done, things you now wish you could take back, or undo in a heart beat ......
Life is a hard journey, and yes mistakes will be made, wrong words will be spoken and many a wrong choice will be made. The trick is, ( or so I've been told ) is to forgive and to learn from mistakes made, to let go, move on and put all of it behind you.

Easy done right ?
No !!

I have found it very hard to forgive the one person who I should trust the most, the one person who I know always tries to do the right thing by her family, to make the best choices possible for them. Someone who yes, has said things in the heat of the moment and later come to regret what was said because in the end they knew that the words chosen were the wrong ones. I need to forgive this person for making wrong choices because I know that there is no going back. That at that moment, the choices were the only option, or at least they seemed to be at the time.
That someone I need to forgive and learn to trust again is myself !
I am my biggest critic
I am hardest on myself
I need to stop dwelling on all that I have done and said in the past, to stop going over in my head all the wrong choices that I have made, choices that I wish I could change, but can't, and am currently blaming myself for....
The choice I made was for my family, and at that time I believed It was the right choice for my children, I as a mother put them first, and I will ALWAYS continue to do so, but as they grow and become their own independent beings, the choice has begun to affect me in ways that I never stopped to think of when the original choice was made.
I need to realise that I am not alone, that everyone, or at least those of us that are willing to admit it, all have something they wish they could change, or take something they have said back, but what is done is done, choices were made and there is no going back.
It's time for me to make another choice, I need to stop going over in my mind what might have been if I had made another choice, taken a different path, I choose to look to the future, to create a better me, an even tighter family unit, someone who my husband and children can look up to and be proud of, a wife, a mother and a person who I can be proud of forever and always.

Mixed Emotions

Right now, I am smiling, in fact I would go as far as saying that I am as happy as a pig in mud !! All my chicks are back under one roof ( well for the time being anyway )
My eldest son has been away visiting friends, discovering new places and basically just having a blast being a 19 year old.
After graduating Grade 12 in 2010 with fantastic grades and a bright future ahead of him, he spent a year at University studying Primary School Teaching before realising that this was no longer his dream. Not for one second were we his parents ever disappointed with his decision, after all there is no point continuing with something that you don't enjoy, to live a happy and full filling life you must love what you do.
So for the past 9 months he has been working full time whilst trying to figure out which direction that he wants to head. The decision he has come to, has me, his mother feeling a loss. He plans on moving in the new year to a new town 4 long hours away, and this is where he has spent the last week, discovering his future home. His week has been filled with a lot of activity, including looking at job opportunities and houses that he plans to share with his mates......He is so excited and when he walked through the front door it was evident. I have not seen him so happy in such a long while.
I am happy for him, excited, I really am. ( does that sound convincing ) ? I am truly going to miss him, we are very close and just writing this post I am quietly crying. A big sook I know. It's going to be hard to watch him go, the hardest day yet, but the time is nearly upon us, it's almost time for him to spread his wings and fly, it's time for me to support his decision to leave the nest. I've been holding on tight, but the rope is slipping from my grasp, it is time to let go of the little boy and watch him find his way as a man.

Good luck my sweet boy, and never forget the nest is always here for you to return if the need ever arises.

Transition

Here we go again !!
There was  much excitement in our house this morning before everything went pear shaped again !! The time has come for us to attend the High School Orientation night for the fourth time.
It's my babies turn to make the transition  from Primary into High School . He is so excited, me .... not so much !!

It's a natural progression, the next big step in his life, and the excitement in his eyes does bring a smile to my face, he cant wait to enter the "big world" to see and experience for himself, all that he has been hearing over the years from his three big brothers. It  makes me happy as his mum, to know that he is ready and willing to take this next giant leap, but mixed emotions are what I am really feeling. I, like so many mums, am not ready for my youngest child to leave behind his "childhood" for the "teenage" years, I don't want  my little guy to grow up, not yet anyway, I want to keep him close to me for a while longer, hold him and protect him.
I am aware that that my parenting days are far from over and never really will be, and I know that we have many more new exciting experiences ahead, and although it's difficult to let them grow up and find their own person, we their parents will always be needed, just in different ways.

So I have decided  to be big and brave, to let go of the anxiety that I am feeling and  let my sons excitement take over, enjoy the experience with him and just remember, that no matter what, he will always be my little guy.

Ben's very first day of school

We've gone Solar

We can't deny that the price of living is rising daily. Bread, milk, fuel, they are all continuing to sky rocket in price, and now on top of everyday living expenses, we have the added cost of the "carbon tax" which will see more families doing it a little tougher.
In our family, it's the soaring cost of electricity that has had us concerned for some time. Our usage has not changed all that much, however the price that we pay has increased dramatically. This is what prompted us  to look into Solar Power, to find out just how much we could benefit. It was not a decision we took lightly, it took quite a bit of research and talking to others who had already made the switch.
After meeting with the company of our choice, and weighing up all the information they provided us with, the decision to sign up was easy, Solar Power was for us !

It has taken quite a few months for everything to be finalised, paper work had to be filled out, approval from our energy company had to be given, and then the panels had to be ordered, I was beginning to think it would never happen. Then finally, this week, after months of waiting, our solar panels were installed.
I'm quite excited to see just how much money we will be saving, according to all the information, our bills should be next to nothing, fingers crossed that, this is the case, any extra cash around this place is more than welcome.

Who knows maybe some "extra" shopping will be on the cards :)

Mosh Pit Mum

WE are a  family who loves music, we listen to it, dance to it and some of us, are able to play it !! I am a "fan" of many types of music, and I must confess that it's music that brings out my " inner teenager" :) truth be told I love to crank up the music and sing along while I'm at home alone doing the dreaded housework.
My boys listen to lots of different bands, and as a family of six, we have many favorites. My second eldest, loves the band 'Simple Plan' and I must confess, I do to. SO when he asked if he could travel to Brisbane to see them in concert last month, we decided to get him tickets for his 16th birthday, but because we don't live close to Brisbane, and would not allow him to travel on his own, Mum and Dad went to !!!

Now, I have been to many Rock/Pop concerts, but they have always been held at large Entertainment Centers, where security is tight and the majority of ticket holders have allocated seats. The 'Simple Plan' concert was a different experience altogether. It was held at a Club and was standing room only !! It was crazy.....pushing, shoving teens all trying to get near the stage while all us parents ( yes I am pleased to say that hubby and I were not the only "oldies" there ), got caught up in the frenzy.
I was pushed, stepped on, elbowed and even head butted for the first time in my life, but I NEVER went down. My ears were ringing so much that I could barely hear, my feet were red, swollen and sore ( note to self, never wear high heeled boots to a rock concert ) but I am proud to say that I survived being in the middle of a "mosh pit" at "Simple Plans" concert, I survived and made my boy happy.
I am a "MOSH PIT MUM".

Kitchen Blunder

I am the first to admit that I'm not a great cook, in fact I'm not a fan of cooking much at all. Planning meals to please everyone in my family gives me a headache at the best of times.
I am however, not a 'bad' baker, and I can whip up some mean desserts. ( I even won a fridge by entering a dessert into a magazine competition ) but I will post that yummy treat at a later date :)

Last night I did the unthinkable !! I made a cheesecake, not my usual yummy homemade cheesecake that leaves everyone in my family fighting over the last piece, but one from a packet. A WHAT ? Yes a packet !! BIG mistake !! It was disgusting, it was uneatable, to put it bluntly, it belonged in the bin and that is exactly where it ended up....even my boys spat it out ( a truly amazing sight ) my boys, turning their noses up at food ! A sight that had me speechless and us all in fits of laughter. After all, the teenagers in my house eat anything and everything.
Never again will I put a packet mix into my trolley, It's home baking only at my place from now on.

Scratchy Itchy Buggy Things

UGH ! I'm over them...Crawly, yucky, itchy, gross. Mums you know what I'm talking about, those dreaded creepy crawlies that give us nightmares !! Yes, I am talking about NITS.

My older two kids have only ever had the occasional case, the younger two however, attract them like magnets. Ever since the boys were little, at least once a week I do "the check" I feel it's a necessary evil that must be done. Some days we are winners, some not so much.

As usual before the start of the new school term, I lined the boys up for "the check"before heading off for haircuts. YAY we were winners, so off we went. This was on the Saturday before school resumed. This morning, after only two days back at school, my youngest son said "my head is itchy". WHAT ? HOW ?
so multi tasking as us mothers do, I checked his hair while cooking breakfast and to my horror there they were those itchy, scratchy, buggy things, not many but enough !! I'm over the fact that some parents are lazy and don't do "hair checks" we all hate it but it's another one of those parental duties that is a must.
1. So we don't continue to spread them
2. For the comfort of our own kids
I know who the culprit is, I've made it my mission over time to find out who the repeat offenders are. I have found them out. Trouble is the school says they cant do anything about it !! What the heck...cant or wont ?
What's wrong with sending the child home for treatment ? It is not the child's fault I know, It's the responsibility of the parents. Enough is enough.

Next time I am going to collect the nits in a jar, take them to the school and deliver them to the Principal....Maybe then it will be dealt with.


( sorry if I have offended anyone )

Stop and Take A Breath

So far 2012 has not been a  good year for our family. In fact most days have had me wanting to stay in bed and bury my head under the covers wanting to shut the world out. We have endured three hospital visits, two car accidents and a new job that so far, has not delivered its promises. Don't get me wrong, I know that not everything has been a complete disaster, that we are not the only family to go through tough times, its just that this year began with so much promise, and has left me wondering where do we go from here?

As a mother,the last few months have been particularly hard. Discovering that my eldest son plans on leaving the nest, has me worried, will he be OK without his family close by? Of course I know he will be, its just a natural instinct to worry about our children's well being. I am also struggling with the fact that my youngest child is about to launch into high school, the orientation night is fast approaching and I must admit  that I have shed a tear or two thinking about this. He is my baby and I am not ready for this next step, I want to turn back the clock, keep my babies close and never let go. I know that this is not possible, and its something that I need to deal with, on my own, in my own time.

This morning I woke to the sound of rain on the roof. Laying in bed thinking about what today would bring, the thought crossed my mind that the only person who can turn these sad thoughts into happy ones, the only person who can turn a yuck year into a better one is me. Only I can can change myself and my negative thinking. After all, things are never as bad as they seem. Are they?

I decided that today, I am going to start to change my life around. I am going to stop worrying about what lies ahead and live for now. I am going to face the next stage of my life with courage and open eyes, after all even though my family is growing, even they they will move on, I will forever be their mother and they will always need me, just in a different way. I am going to stop and take a breath, take some time out for me, and slowly discover the whole new world that lies before me.

Here We Go Again

WOW this is the first night in two weeks that the house has been quiet before 9.30pm......That can only mean one thing !!! School is back tomorrow.
That means early nights, early mornings, lunches to organize, homework to fight over and lost property to track down.
*Sigh*
I'm exhausted already !!
So if your child returns to school tomorrow, good luck.
If your just beginning your holidays, I'm jealous, and please think of me tomorrow as I struggle to get my kids out of their warm beds.

Happy Birthday

 Today we are celebrating a birthday in the house. On this day July 5th 1993 at 9.17am, we welcomed our first born son into the world. A son that has given us so much love, joy and sleepless nights through the years.

It's hard for me to believe that as of today I have been a mum for 19 years, it seems like only yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time and wondered what the years ahead would bring.

He has grown to become a wonderful young man that is loved and cared for by many. He is caring, sensitive, loving, cheeky,and mischievous, and to me he is perfect just the way he is. To say that I am proud to be his mother, does not seem enough.

So happy 19th birthday my wonderful boy. I hope you know how much you are loved and adored, you have made my life complete, our family whole. Know that I am always here for you no matter what, and as you continue on your life's path, stay strong, stay focused, for life brings us many challenges that are not always easy.

You are a blessing, you are my world and I love you
       
                   Happy birthday

                                                                                           

A Rough Patch

Lets face it,being a parent is tough,the hardest job we will ever have. Its starts with those sleepless nights we think will never end,and continues on with those marathon tantrums that start with a grumble and end up being full on kicking and screaming matches that are just down right embarrassing. And just when we start to see light at the end of the tunnel,we hit the teenage years and puberty!!
From now on,everything prior seems like a piece of cake......
The junior years are tough,don't get me wrong (I've been there four times) and no one prepares us for those early days (I still think my parenting manual got lost in the mail) But I am finding the experiences I am having now raising teenagers,is my hardest parenting challenge yet.
I'd like to think that I am raising responsible,respectable young men that anyone would be proud of.
I"m an easy going parent,but firm. I have rules and if broken,look out!! I also believe to some extent that teens need to explore life and learn from the mistakes they are bound to make (with parental guidance of course)

At the moment I am going through a "tough" parenting stage,I am questioning myself and my parenting. Have I done the best job possible? Should I have taken a different parenting path? I know it's "normal" for teens to have moments of rebellion,to try and show how "grown up" he/she has become. I know it's "normal" for them to think they don't need me anymore,but it hurts and I'm finding it hard to hide. I also know that I am not the only parent to experience this,but right now it sure feels like it. I am feeling unsure,like I am walking on shaky ground,like nothing I do or say is right. I have come full circle and am once again back at those sleepless nights. I am hoping this rough patch will soon come to an end,that things will return to how they were,that I will be able to gain back what I feel we have lost....
Deep down I know it will,I know the bond is still there,still strong,I just need to be patient and make sure I am always there with open arms and an open heart. Things WILL turn out just fine. I have complete faith.

But holy cow,I better hold on and strap myself in tight,cause I've still got a long road ahead of me !!!