As the sun began to break the dawning of a new day, I pulled the covers to my chin wanting to resist what lay before me. Another long day of the same old thing.
For the second week, Dan is away for work. It seems yet again that this is our reality. Two steps forward, three steps back.
I get lonely.
Motherhood is lonely.
Being a stay at home mum, even though that was my ultimate dream, can be the loneliest job, the hardest job and the most tedious.
To keep the ship running as smoothly as possible, I dare not stray to far from everyday routine.
Sometimes I wonder what the lives of other stay at home mums are like. Are they just like me ?
It hits me harder at night. Scrolling through my social media feeds, I see so many people smiling out at me from places that I can only dream of being. A group of mums lunching, having coffee, their happy commentary below.
I use to have this, a social life with good friends, but as our children grew and we stopped meeting at the school gate, we drifted, went our separate ways. I couldn't tell you the last time we were all together.
I am finding that this time of my life, mothering teens, is the loneliest time that I have ever endured. Yes my home is always full, and I am always catering to the needs my teens and their many house guests, but having a house full of your kids friends and enjoying yourself with friends of your own is a whole other world.
Don't get me wrong, I love welcoming my teens friends over, listening to the laughter and silly banter, I wouldn't change that for the world. But sometimes it reminds me of times gone by and what I don't have right now.
Some days I yearn to have a long conversation with someone other than my children or husband. Someone who is in the same stages of life as me, someone that gets me. But dwelling on the impossible is something that I cant afford.
It will change again, life has cycles. And for now my cycle is to be here, at home, being the best mother and wife that I can be, and there is nothing at all wrong with that.
My time will come, I know adventure awaits me. My life is far from over. I just need to be patient and know that I am loved, wanted and needed right here, as I am right now in this moment.....
Are you a lonely Mum who feels the need for something more out of life to ?
Linking up with Essentially Jess for this weeks IBOT
beck xx
It is interesting how your life goes in phases. Motherhood seem to be very much like that. I felt so trapped in many ways when my kids were babies and toddlers. My youngest has just started pre-primary and the feeling of freedom is enormous. I am relishing it so much, but if I really think about it, I actually end up spending more time on my own now than I ever have in my whole life. It's still a novelty for me, but I can see how you could become quite isolated even though there's so much going on around you with your kids lives etc. Staying connected to community is critical I think, and maintaining hobbies that can be shared with others. For me it's yoga and running. I also put a lot of energy into setting up social gatherings with friends. I think most Mums are in the same boat.
ReplyDeleteI need to get back into something other than blogging that I enjoy. Maybe after writing this post it will give me the motivation I need. And your right, most mums are in the same boat. x
DeleteI have never thought ahead to the teenage years but I can totally see how we end up there. Our lives revolve around our kids and their friends mums are our 'friends', until they don't need us anymore, then what. I am so sorry you feel lonely, thank goodness you have the blog community here to chat to at least :)
ReplyDeleteI never thought I'd ever be lonely with four kids. It's funny how life changes like the seasons x
DeleteYes yes yes! I know exactly how you feel. Even though I still have primary school aged children as well as a teen, I am in a new place where really I know only one other lady. Who is a mother but not a mother of teens. It is hard some days when you are home all along and have nothing but the thoughts in your head to keep you company.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from #teamIBOT and sending lots fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way lovely Beck xx
If only we could turn those thoughts off every now and then. xx
DeleteOh Beck! I want to give you a big hug. My kids are still young and I do have a little chit chat with the daycare and dance class mums. Not a great deal though. I get most of my adult conversation at work. If I was to quit work I think I would miss that. Could you arrange a catch up with some of the old school mums?
ReplyDeleteI miss working, maybe that's the key, find another job. When our kids got older all us mums ended up working. Finding the time to catch up is hard. Thanks for stopping by, and sending hugs xx
Delete"Motherhood is lonely. Being a stay at home mum, even though that was my ultimate dream, can be the loneliest job, the hardest job and the most tedious." Thank you for saying this. I totally agree. It's not often said, but it needs to be x
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, I was unsure how it would come across. xx
DeleteThat's the reason why I came back to work. I couldn't be a full time mum and be happy. My four kids drive me nuts so I really enjoy time away from them to be honest. I have learnt to sew and find a hobby and run a charity group which satisfies my soul. It's not great all the time and I don't really have friends to hang out with but I'm ok with that. I have friends at work and most importantly I have ME time. Big hugs. You're def not alone and guys and women who have no kids will never understand how tough it can be. There are great mums out there who can brighten my day and say to me "Yo're doing a great job" and I want to burst into tears. God love them. So hang on in there. You're doing great! I've got a blog too and I love to run Giveaways so pop on over. XOX
ReplyDeleteThanks lovely, some days are harder then others as you would know. Thinking of returning to work part time, so we will see how I go xx
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