10 Jun 2015

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE


For the past three weeks my husband has been working away, I should be use to this, but with no end in sight, I'm finding it hard to crawl through each day. I miss him. I feel as though I am loosing my grip on the everyday, I've been sitting for long periods of time, reading with the hope of taking my focus off the days as they drift by slowly.

Thank heavens for my boys.
There is nothing like a hug from your children when your feeling low.



For a while now I've been slowly sinking again, I'm not exactly sure what can be pin pointed as the cause, maybe the build up to my son moving out, my husbands work taking him away or just my body calling for time out. All I know is, I'm finding it hard to pull myself back.

As I sit here typing, I look out the window from time to time, its gloomy. The clouds are dark the wind is cool and there is the faint smell of flowers from my garden.
Perfect weather, it suits my mood.

While we all feel sad and moody at times, depression is more then just feeling low. It impacts not just mental health, but also the physical as well.

I'm tired, exhausted even, I haven't been doing much, yet moving about tending to the daily chores is just about all I can handle right now. It seems silly, I feel stupid, I don't want to be this way, yet there is little I can do right now except  listen to my body and take the time I need to recover.

Recovery can take time, its different for everyone. I know I will be okay, it just takes time. I've been here many times before. I just need to remember that despite my diagnosis of depression and anxiety, I am not weak, it doesn't define me, that there is light at the end of the dark days and they will find me again.

beck xx






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