30 Apr 2013

Teen Crossroads

Growing up is hard. It is a journey that we all go through, a journey that leads us all down different paths. Like many young people, I was in a hurry to grow up and lead my own life, to follow my dreams and start my journey. Now that I am an adult, I cant even begin to wonder why I wanted to grow up so fast in the first place.

Watching my boys grow up over the years has been nothing short of pure joy. To say that I am proud of the young men that they are growing into does not seem enough, but proud I am. Watching them strive to do their best, and succeed in so much, has shown me that so far the choices that they have made have been the right ones for them.
But life can be a struggle at times, and what it can throw at you can be hard. To see your children come to a fork in the road and be unsure with which turn to take can be frustrating to say the least, but I know, that to much interference could back fire and make some situations worse.

One of my teens has been struggling since graduating High School last year, to make a decision regarding his future. Watching him go through this agonizing process has left me feeling helpless, and I am now beginning to run out of "good" parental advice. I am worried that if I place to much pressure on him, I will cause more confusion and ultimately force him to choose a path that he is not completely sure of.
University has always been high on his list of dreams, and until about a year ago, he had a path all mapped out. He is now beginning to stray from that path and toss other ideas around, with out much enthusiasm. All this is completely normal I guess, and I for one do not want him to spend his life on the wrong journey. I am concerned however with his lack of motivation to try sort things out. He seems to have lost his gumption, his will to be strong, and seems to be floating along aimlessly, spending his time wallowing away the days without much focus.
Yes he is working part time, but from where I am standing the shifts that this part time work is giving him is allowing him to much spare time, and in my eyes he is not using this time wisely.

I guess this makes me sound harsh. But I do not want him to get so comfortable with the way things are, that he starts to let good opportunities pass him by. I am not forcing him to make a decision about University, after it all this is not a path for everyone to follow. I am trying though to bump him in the right direction and start applying for full time work, that may get him motivated to get his life on track, meet new people, make new friendships and allow him more life experience. This may just be what is needed to help him find a place in the world that makes him happy, and that may  help him decide what he wishes to do with his life.

He is a bright boy that received excellent results in his QCS and could do just about anything that he puts his mind to. I know that eventually he will begin the journey that is the right one for him and I guess until then I need to back off and just lend support, encouragement, and a listening ear.



Linking up with the lovely Jess for IBOT

       

14 comments:

  1. This sounds like a very difficult place to be in as a mum. Your sentiments are all good. Of course you want him to have a good, happy life. But you also need to allow him the space to find that on his own and know that you will always be there for support and encouragement. Hope he bumps out of this little rut soon xx
    Josefa from #teamIBOT

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    1. Thanks Josefa, it can be very difficult watching him drift. I know that in time he pull himself together and find his lot in life. I just don't want him to drift to far xx

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  2. I have a similar sounding teen - parenting is hard! I always use the analogy that you cannot walk your child's path, you can only Sherpa their baggage behind them and make suggestions (or sometimes gentle nudges). I also tell myself that my husband and I have done everything we can to raise a human that can make decisions for themselves, so we should trust that they will make the right decision when they need to. BUT, parenting is hard. Your boy will come right in the end, he sounds lovely.
    xx

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    1. So glad that I am not the only one that thinks this parenting gig is hard yakka ! It was so much easier when they were little.
      He is a lovely boy, and I know that he will pull through and make a wonderful life for himself. xx

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  3. Your concern is so understandable. I find that when we are in the middle of these things we have all these worries, but looking back you can see there wasn't anything to be worried about (well, touch wood that's how it's been for me so far). It is still fairly early in the year, post school, and I imagine he will get to a point where he will be so bored or so broke he will decide it's time to act. Love that you are giving him his space - what an understanding mum :)

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    1. I try my hardest to understand, I am a bit of a worry wort. I just hope that this aimless wondering is all worth it in the end xx

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  4. I still have all of this to look forward to, and I don't envy you at all for already being there. You summed it all up perfectly in you last paragraph. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely

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    1. Thank you Rhianna, I just hope that my posts don't scare you to much lol Teen parenting may not be easy, but it is also a complete joy xx

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  5. My eldest has finished school, had a gap year and now at uni. She also has two part time jobs. I was of the mind that I am happy to pay for uni but I am not happy to pay for the social life and travel that she wants as an adult. We made it clear and also our expectations. Sounds a bit tough but sometimes action makes them move. Good luck

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    1. I totally agree ! We do not pay for his social life and encourage him to save as much of his pay as possible. To be tough is to be kind ..... They really have no idea. xx

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  6. This stage of parenting is so hard!

    Mr 18 graduated at the end of 2011. He spent 6 months at TAFE and managed to flunk out so he didn't go back for the 2nd semester. Luckily he had a part time job at a fast food chain and when they heard he wanted more work, gave him a traineeship. He has just finished a Cert 3 in Business, and a Cert 3 in Retail. Does he want to work in fast food for the rest of his life? No - but he doesn't really know what he wants to do. We worry, but reassure ourselves that at least he is doing something ...

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    1. My eldest Mr almost 20 attended Uni for a year then decided it wasn't for him. He to did a traineeship through a fast food chain also completing Cert 3 in Business and Retail. He is now a very proud manager of this said fast food chain, is earning great money and couldn't be happier. I just hope that his brother finds the same happiness xx

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  7. Can I say that I think you should just push him to Uni if he's curious, even if just for a year, and even if he just picks a few different subjects, that is what I did and I found my niche. If it's not for him he'll know soon enough and drop out!
    Em xx

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  8. It must be so hard to see your kids in this place, and try to get the balance just right. It is so hard to just choose a life direction at that age, but I guess doing something, is better than coin nothing. Hard to see that sometimes though.
    Big Hugs Beck. I'm sure you will approach it with wisdom and grace xxx

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