18 Jan 2013

Letting Myself Down

Today I am feeling like a failure and I am not proud of it.
I'm exhausted, I have lost my motivation, and I am angry at myself for it. I have hit a wall and at the moment, I am not being the woman that I professed to be this year. To be honest, it was a struggle to pull myself out of bed this morning.....

Maybe its because we have had a jam packed Summer break and the count down to the new school year is upon us. Or the fact that an unforeseen loss of license (the oldest crafty boy) has resulted in my being "taxi" for not only my four sons, three of which have jobs, but I am now left ferrying our guest to and from work as well (yes she is still with us) the car has now become my  home, right along with car parks, and I have a permanent travel mug of coffee in my hand to keep my eyes open and my mind alert.
It could be because my health issues have decided to rare their ugly heads again at an inappropriate time, or the stress of my very ill Grandfather who is still in ICU. This is now also paired with finding out that my Step Father who has been more of a father to me then my biological Father has ever been or ever will be, is facing heart surgery on Tuesday.  I am frantically trying my best to organise things here so I can make the trip (this type of surgery cant be performed here where we live) and be at my Mothers side to support her whilst he is in surgery.

As per usual, as I am sure many of you may agree, everything has a habit of happening all at once, leaving us on the edge and wondering which way to turn, and where to place all the pieces, in the puzzle of life....

I made a promise to myself at the start of the new year, that I wouldn't be publishing another  "I'm feeling sorry for myself" blog post this year, but my mind is blank, other then what we are going through at this very moment and I am hoping that even though I am letting myself down for using this as a "therapy session" that maybe, just maybe writing it all down may help to clear my mind and help me to focus on something else.
I have not forgotten the promise I made, that on each and every Sunday I will write a weekly post on what has made me smile each week for this entire year, and I am sure that if I truly sit and think about it, there have been many moments this past week when my family have put a smile on my dial and come Sunday I will have a blog post ready to go that will put things back into prospective and all will be right in my world again.

Well it's that time again, time to be on the move. Another of my kids needs a lift to work.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my babble, I do apologize for the down post......and promise to be back to my old self real soon.

After all I am only letting myself down !!

Linking up for #FYBF with The lovely Grace xx



5 comments:

  1. Sending out big hugs. Let yourself feel what you need to feel - if that's sadness, being overwhelmed, whatever it is.
    Life isn't always have to be peaches and cream and you don't need to force yourself to think it is.
    Hope you feel better soon x

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  2. Big Hugs! As a mum of three teenagers/young adults, some health issues of my own and aging parents, I can relate. Give yourself permission to feel what you need to and have a right to and remember to be kind to yourself. Look for the positives in each day. The mind is a powerful thing. xo

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  3. You gotta let yourself be down every now and then. We're human, life can throw so much at you (good and bad) and you have a lot of going on... and when it involves the health of our loved ones...that's an overload. I'm so sorry to read about your stepfather's upcoming surgery My thoughts to you and your family that all goes well and for a speedy recovery.

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  4. Oh Bec things sound terrible : ( I'm sorry I missed this post. As you know I've been a little under the weather. Bit better now, but as far as where your children are concerned I don't know if I told you before. But I'm a true believer in - that God couldn't be everywhere that's why he made mothers. That's why he made you..SILLY! And in your case you must be one strong mother to be able to cope with four teenage sons. You are very much my inspiration Xx Hope all goes well with your stepfather. Bless you all & my thoughts are with you Xx

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