30 Nov 2012

Needle In A Haystack

Somewhere out there, is a conversation going on that does not revolve around my everyday life, and I am yearning to be apart of it...
I have reached a stage in my life when I feel the need for something more.

I have been on a search to find something meaningful, something out of the ordinary (for me) something different. I have a real want for a change in my life, I really feel the need to prove to myself that I am worthy of existing other then being a wife and mother housewife, cook, washer woman and chief taxi although being needed in this way has been very rewarding, and magical. It's time that I find something just for me so that I can continue to feel complete with my life's journey.

What it is I am not yet sure, but I am determined to find what is missing, something to fill the gap now that I am no longer a mother to small children, and needed in the same way that I am use to....

Am I looking for something that only exists in the core of my own mind ? I seem to be searching and going round in circles. I feel stuck, I am unsure in which direction I should be heading, and exactly where I should start.

I have the urge for enthusiasm to return to my life, the need to wake up with more of  a purpose. I need to feel free, I need to find out exactly who it is that I am within, why I was put on this earth, and if I can really achieve something worthwhile.

I want a journey that is all mine....

I am sounding quite selfish, after all I have the most wonderful fulfilling family. Our life together is more then I could have ever hoped for. They are most certainly more then I ever deserved. And I wouldn't change a thing about our life together, we are together forever and this makes my heart sing. If I stop and really think it through, everything that I could ever want is right there in front of me, it's within my grasp, I just need to get out of my own way.

So why am I feeling this urge for change ? Am I alone in wanting something more from life ? Is it just because this year has been filled with multiple challenges that have gotten me down ? Am I searching for a needle in a haystack ?

Honestly I am not sure.                                            

Being happy and fulfilled are wonderful feelings, and don't get me wrong, there are an armload of things in my life that make me happy, my children, and my marriage continue to fulfill me, they are sacred, they are my world. There are many things that I am grateful for, and so far there is not one thing that I would ever change. How I have lived my life has shaped me into the woman that I am today, yet still that need to prove myself, exists......

Linking with Some Grace for #FYBF

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