19 Jun 2015

FRESH START


I didn't think that I would be able to publish this post
its a very public way to hold myself accountable


Over the past two years, I've walked a shaky path. I was not headed in a good direction and I let things, a lot of things build up until it all came crashing down around me. I have not been kind to myself or to those I love, in fact sometimes I have been a down right cow.

There I said it

Being unkind to yourself is not always obvious, and over time it becomes easy to hide your true feelings, trust me, I'm an expert. At other times it shows, it becomes obvious until it cant be ignored any longer.
Recently a comment was made to me about my weight. I don't believe that it was said to hurt, just someone pointing out what I already knew to be true, but didn't want to deal with. 

Rewind

Four years ago I lost a whopping 18.5 kg all on my own with just pure hard work and determination. I was happy, I was fit, and I was very proud of my achievement.

Confession

Then two years ago, I hit a wall. I hit rock bottom and I blew it. Gradually I gained a HUGE 30 kg. That is so hard to admit and share.
For a long time I solely blamed the medication I was on, and although weight gain is a contributing side effect, I know that the majority of the problem was just plain old me !
I see that now, where before I was hiding behind the wall I had created.

Lets do this

It seems that I have 'seen the light' I believe that I am now ready to right my two years of wrong doing. It's time to wipe out the 'old me' and discover the new that I hope is waiting for me somewhere close by.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am determined to win, to regain my life and become the woman I long to be. 

I've rambled on enough, its time to hit publish and conquer the fear of what people will think. Its the dawn of a new day, a new me.
Its time to be happy.

Linking up for this weeks FYBF with the beautiful With Some Grace


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