19 Jun 2015

FRESH START


I didn't think that I would be able to publish this post
its a very public way to hold myself accountable


Over the past two years, I've walked a shaky path. I was not headed in a good direction and I let things, a lot of things build up until it all came crashing down around me. I have not been kind to myself or to those I love, in fact sometimes I have been a down right cow.

There I said it

Being unkind to yourself is not always obvious, and over time it becomes easy to hide your true feelings, trust me, I'm an expert. At other times it shows, it becomes obvious until it cant be ignored any longer.
Recently a comment was made to me about my weight. I don't believe that it was said to hurt, just someone pointing out what I already knew to be true, but didn't want to deal with. 

Rewind

Four years ago I lost a whopping 18.5 kg all on my own with just pure hard work and determination. I was happy, I was fit, and I was very proud of my achievement.

Confession

Then two years ago, I hit a wall. I hit rock bottom and I blew it. Gradually I gained a HUGE 30 kg. That is so hard to admit and share.
For a long time I solely blamed the medication I was on, and although weight gain is a contributing side effect, I know that the majority of the problem was just plain old me !
I see that now, where before I was hiding behind the wall I had created.

Lets do this

It seems that I have 'seen the light' I believe that I am now ready to right my two years of wrong doing. It's time to wipe out the 'old me' and discover the new that I hope is waiting for me somewhere close by.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am determined to win, to regain my life and become the woman I long to be. 

I've rambled on enough, its time to hit publish and conquer the fear of what people will think. Its the dawn of a new day, a new me.
Its time to be happy.

Linking up for this weeks FYBF with the beautiful With Some Grace


6 comments:

  1. Oh Beck - I hear you 100% because I'm in exactly the same situation. Having come back from our holiday the heaviest I have ever weighed in my whole entire life - even heavier than when I was pregnant. But with everything going in at the moment I have decided to tackle one thing at a time. First on the agenda is exercise - I have committed to exercising for 30mins on Monday after work. If I get to do some over the weekend - good, if not, that's OK to. I am slowly going to start working on my food but I know if I try to make too many changes all at once, it's all going to come crashing down around me and I want this to be a sustainable way of life for me.
    Here's to success for both of us - I know that we can do this and we can support and encourage each other along the way.
    Have the best day and a great weekend !

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    Replies
    1. I'm onboard with helping each other 100% we can tackle this together. You my sweet friend have a lot going on and it's good to hear you won't be rushing things. You mustn't over do it. I hope things start to look up for you and your family soon xx

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  2. Oh yes. I've been up and down and up and down over the years. I counted 100kg lost / gained years ago and then stopped counting. I've put on about 40kg in the last couple of years and feel very down about it. I have no answers but am working hard to forgive myself for what I've become and not hate myself (and my body) too much!

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    Replies
    1. Seems we are in the same boat Deborah, I've tried to be okay with myself like this but I just can't seem to :(

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  3. It's not easy, especially when you're a Mum of boys and all they do is eat! Believe me, I know. Even though I've been going to Weight Watchers and have lost a bit, I've gone off track in the last few weeks. I know it would be so easy to chuck it all in and regain it all. But I'll be back at a meeting next week. Sometimes you just know when enough is ENOUGH. Thinking of you. xo

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, it is hard and good on you for not giving up. Sometimes all we need is a little shove and other time a mighty kick lol
      Good luck on your journey sweetie xx

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